When I’ve prayed with folks for inner healing, sometimes they want to hold back on issues that involve parents. We’re often hesitant to imply that our parents did something wrong.
If you struggle with this concern, remember that your process of inner healing is not about your parents. It’s about the things in your heart that need healing.
We are responsible for the reactions we make toward others, regardless of what those folks did or didn’t do. When our reactions get stuck in our heart and affect our relationships with God and others, we need to recognize those reactions and let Jesus heal them.
Often these issues started in childhood regarding our reactions to our parents. That doesn’t mean our parents did anything wrong. It just means we reacted in a way that set up a painful pattern that we now want to come out of.
If you, as a child, came home one day in a bad mood (as I sometimes did from school), your parent might have said something that hit you sideways. They may have been trying to help and didn’t know they said something that hit you the wrong way. Nevertheless, whatever they said set you off and made you feel even worse. You might have concluded, “They don’t hear me” or “They don’t care.”
That little wound takes root in your heart. The enemy is ready to reinforce it. The next time your parent says something on a rough day, you expect to hear something that shows they don’t hear you or they don’t care. The enemy loves drawing that to your attention. Whatever your parent says, you hear it through that wounded lens. The bitter root in your heart grows deeper.
Fast forward to adulthood, and your boss or spouse or child says something that hits you sideways. “They don’t hear me” or “they don’t care” stirs in your heart. The bitter root continues to grow, until you find yourself struggling over a conversation and don’t know why.
If you take that current struggle to Jesus and ask Him to show you the root, He will likely remind you of what your parent said when you came home from school in a bad mood. To bring healing, Jesus will show you where He was at the time and the truth He wants you to know. What He says will satisfy your heart. Whatever He shows you will heal that original wound.
You can repent for judging your parent, for continuing to perpetuate your conclusions and reactions, for tempting others to say things that would hit you sideways, and for swallowing the bait the enemy kept feeding you.
You come out of agreement with the enemy and with the lies you’ve believed. Maybe your original reaction has grown into a lie that nobody hears you, nobody cares. Well, that’s not true. God hears you, and God cares. That truth may be hard to believe, in the midst of lies. But God has a way of showing your heart that what He says is true. You ask God to replace those lies in your heart with His healing truth.
This process of prayer might have you praying to forgive your parent for what they said that day. This is where the process sometimes gets stuck because folks are afraid to imply their parent did something wrong. By forgiving your parent, it doesn’t mean they did anything wrong, at least not intentionally. It just means that whatever they said to you, when you were young and in a bad mood, was not what you wanted or needed to hear.
Parents do the best they can, and they don’t always say what your heart wanted. Doesn’t mean they did anything wrong or were trying to hurt you. They may have been trying to help and just didn’t connect well with where you were. Or you may have heard what they said out of context.
Regardless of their intentions, whatever they said hit you sideways, and you made an unhealthy conclusion that became lodged in your heart and grew over the years.
If you want Jesus to lift that bitter root out of your heart, you forgive your parent—simply for what they said. Then you repent for your reaction to what they said. And you ask Jesus for what truth He would say to you. As you walk out your healing, He will start showing you the fruit of that transformation. You will start to notice that you no longer believe the old lies.
Inner healing is not about placing blame on others, like parents. It’s about taking responsibility for our own reactions to what others did or said—reactions that are hindering our relationships and peace today. Be honest about who you need to forgive for what. Realize your forgiveness doesn’t imply blame. Invite Jesus to bring healing into the wounded places in your heart. Begin to live in the new freedom His healing brings.
If you want to learn more about the experience of Christian and biblical inner healing, I recommend visiting the website of Kerri Johnson Ministries. It’s a helpful and trustworthy place to start.
Adventures with God 