It’s been 4 1/2 years since I asked God to deliver me of fear. He has been faithful and thorough! Early on, He freed me of many big fears. Since then, He’s been fine tuning to free me of smaller ones. I always know He’s about to pull another fear string out of my heart when it starts to thump at the prospect of doing something.
Like just now. I needed to find a freelance project to help train the folks I work with. It’s a very unorthodox situation (as is most of my life) so of course, I was nervous to ask a potential client, even though this client had invited me to ask for a project to work on. Thump thump, went the heart. But I did it.
Why the fear? Because the client might say no. (So what?) Because I’m putting myself out there to do in reality what I’ve only planned in my mind, and it might not work. (So what?) Because everything I do is out of the box. (So what?) Because I might look weird. (So what? People already know I’m weird! And they love me anyway! In fact, they love me because I’m weird!)
So why the fear? Simply because it’s been with me for life, since conception, and generationally in my family, and was such a part of the fabric of who I thought I was, growing up, that I have to intentionally walk free of it. The more I do that, the easier it gets … and the harder it gets, because each new challenge hits at a deeper level of fear! It’s worth it for the freedom it brings.
What I did tonight, asking this client for a freelance project under the most unorthodox of circumstances, was not just a step, but a leap. I threw the anchor way out of my comfort zone because that’s where God’s calling me. If I’m truly going to walk where He’s calling me – not just in the safety of my overactive imagination, but in reality – I can’t hide in the shadow of fear.
Especially fear of what other people might think or say or do.
I don’t know what this year will hold for me and God, but I can tell you right away … watch for Him to stretch me, first and foremost, in walking free of the fear of what other people think and say and do. Which means two things: He will get at the roots of why I’m afraid of those things; and He will call me to walk in the face of those things.
Stay tuned …