What’s My Choice?

There are two ways to learn. The first way is to run every scenario inside your head and look for every possible outcome before you take a breath … and find that you never truly live. The second way is to learn by taking one step at a time and getting correction as you go. I’ve spent all my life doing the first option. I’ve spent 46 years not breathing. I don’t want to do that anymore.

And sure … I’m anticipating what you’ll say, whoever reads this, and how you’ll judge me, thinking me a coward. You’d be right. I have been. Most of my life.

I had reasons. Anyone like me would have been perpetually scared in the circumstances I was in. That’s why none of us can judge another. We don’t know what another person goes through inside. We can’t know.

Regardless of my reasons for fear, I can’t do it anymore.

So my choice is this. Do I waste another moment trying to get all the answers and know the outcome before I take my next step? Do I wait until I’ve failed 10,000 times in my head, in every possible way, so that I don’t have to hear from another person: “You messed up”?

Or do I make the choice to just step and be willing to mess up, be willing to be corrected along the way – and learn from it – and even be willing to be criticized, rightly or wrongly?

If I’m going to trust God, I have only one choice. Will I do it?

I’ve been saying yes to Him, yes I’ll do it, for 5 years. In my mind, standing still, saying, “Yes, Lord.”

But will I really step out this time and be willing to see where the road leads, learn on the road how to walk, fall down, get up, without a script to tell me what to say or if it’s right or wrong? Will I?

God, I hope so.