God is so good. I had a doctor appointment yesterday, for something that continues to look like fibroid tumors. I really felt His presence there with me. I need to have an ultrasound, and I have no medical insurance or money to pay for it. I was talking with someone last night, and before I mentioned a word about the doctor appointment, they told me God had laid on their heart to send me a check, that they felt from Him that I needed the money for something important. It was for the exact amount of the ultrasound. They wrote the check at the Lord’s prompting before they knew anything about my medical issues. God is so awesome.
I don’t know what the outcome of this test will be, but I am praying for complete healing. I was at the healing rooms training this weekend at Sugar Hill UMC here in Georgia. I’m feeling led to be a part of healing rooms ministry, that’s why I was there. In the middle of the training, I felt the Lord strongly encouraging me to ask for complete healing for these tumors, that He will bring healing. As part of the healing process, I need to continue to pray Scripture over myself – not only for healing, but also for my entire self to accept and receive His love.
I’ve gone through a lot of emotional and spiritual healing over the past two years, particularly through inner healing and prayer ministry. I discovered that I had a lot of self-hatred that was hidden deep inside of me; hidden so deeply that I wasn’t aware of it. I’ve received so much healing for that, it’s been incredible. What I need to work on now is nurturing that healing, by speaking His Word of love over me and all my “parts.”
That hit me this morning, as I was listening to the song “Written in Red” on the way to work. “In letters of crimson, God wrote His love… ‘I love you, I love you’ – that’s what Calvary said; ‘I love you, I love you, I love you’ – written in red.” His healing comes through His love. To receive His healing, we have to be open to receive His love, in our whole selves; to truly believe that He loves us completely. (Just a side note: In the middle of the song “Written in Red,” the singer broke into “Nothing but the Blood of Jesus” – “What can make me whole again? Nothing but the Blood of Jesus.” So I get to school … guess what song we’re doing for worship this morning? Isn’t God cool!)
While He has opened me up so much to receive (and believe in) His love, I suspect there are still parts of me that haven’t opened up fully to receiving all the love He has for me. (I think these tumors are a good indication of that!); I suspect there are parts of me that are just waking up to the idea – Wow, God really does love me completely! I need to start by speaking His truth and His love into this wounded part of my body, and any parts of my heart and spirit that correspond to it. The best starting place for that is His Word, and praying His Word of love over myself until this wounded part gets the message!
God has opened me up so much over the past year to receive His love, and I’m a new person because of it. But there’s more work to be done, and I praise Him for letting me walk through this, and for loving me so much that He won’t stop short of me receiving His love in ALL of me!!!